That's What She Said...

2 Personal Trainers after lunch.

2010-01-13T14:41:00.000-08:00

Sally: I know I should skip this diet soda, as there are no nutrients in this crap!
Julie: I know, but at least you get a boost of caffeine to help you power through your afternoon.
Sally: Gosh, and that pizza we had for lunch was sooo delicious!
Julie: I know!!! I feel so terrible that I havn't been able to work out in two months since I had my surgery.
Sally: It's okay, at least we had veggies on our pizza!
Julie: Right, we were able to get some fiber and protien in as well.
Sally: and at least it was thin crust, so it was light on the carbs.
Julie: Right again!
Sally: But, ya know what else has been making me feel bad? That Big mac we split for an appetizer.
Julie: I know! Me too! But we got some calcium from that cheese on the double patties!
Sally: Yes! You know, us gals must get our calcium to to keep osteoporosis at bay!
Julie: I know osteoporosis is a bitch. Both my grandma's had it. And I do NOT want that!
Sally: You won't Julie! Just keep up the Big Mac intakes!
Julie: I'm thinking that cleaning out the entire bakery at Safeway this morning may not have been the best idea for breakfast.
Sally: I know, I've been feeling guilty about that one too! Really bloated from all that sugar.
Julie: BUT- think about alll those carbs we got in to help us work out today with our clients. We will have so much glucose stored in our muscles, we will be able to push through all 3 of our clients appointments.
Sally:Shit- I only have one today.
Julie: Ha well your gonna gain some weight then missy.

I'm back

2010-01-13T14:38:00.000-08:00

Dear Blog,

Sorry to have ignored you since May. I can't really deal with my life anymore. One thing has lead to another and another and another. Space needs to be freed up, but I don't know where. What is the next step for me? I'm scared. In the mean time I will just write.

Share your Toys- (spiritual)

2009-05-23T09:54:00.000-07:00

I recently went to my younger sister's graduation from high school and it was wonderful experience of course. But, I was lucky enough to listen to Michael Steele speak, since he was chosen as one of the inspirational graduation speakers.

He began his talk with a reference to a personal memory of his from when he graduated from Kindergarten. He explained that he addressed his kindergarten class at the end of the year and said the following to his class mates, "We are big kids now, and we must go out into the real world, and share all of our toys." This gave us all a little laugh. Then he addressed my sisters class. He spoke to them about his life and what he has done and accomplished. He reminded the graduates and all of their friends and family that each of us is, in fact, blessed with very unique special talents. We must honor, hone, and share these talents with the world as much as possible, otherwise we are robbing the rest of the world and ourselves. He finished the speech the same way he started "You are all big kids now and you must go out into the world and share all of your toys"........Now, think about this for a moment....... Really think about it. If we, as adults, consider all of our favorite things to do, and favorite ways to spend our time, in a way those favorite activities are most likely actual talents that we were blessed with. We are each here on this earth to share our god given "toys" with the rest of the world. For example, If I love to write music and then sing that song, then I must write music and I must sing. I must express myself in this way. Why? Well first of all, because it's fun to me. Its a toy to me.... in a way. Why must I do this? Well have you ever heard a song that "spoke" to you? A song that inspired you to make a life altering decision? A song that uplifted you to a better mood? A song that simply made you happy? As song that brough you so much joy just from listening to it, all of your problems melted away? If I never chose to write a song and therefore never had the chance to sing it out loud, then that song never is shared with the world and that song never has the opportunity to possibly change someone's life in a positive manner.

We can use many different examples. If you love to write and to express yourself in that way, you must! Because honestly, how many of us have read an article, a book, watched a funny show, or movie and were immediately inspired and uplifted by the writers ideas? How many of us have heard a speech that was written by some writer and that speech had the ability to give you so much hope and joy that you were high on life for days? If you like to build machines or roads or planes or cars, you should! Because how many of us have benefited from a certain machine that was able to extend their life or make their life easier or more enjoyable? How many of us have been able to spend less time driving and more time with their loved ones because a new super highway was built to get you to your destination faster? How many of us are able to visit people all over the world and experience all of the physical beauty this world has to offer because they were able to jump onto a divine little invention called an air plane? Many of us.

Each of us benefit from the fact that one person chose to play with his "toy" and then share that "toy" with the world. That person followed their passion, their joy, their bliss, and as a result the world not only benefited, but was uplifted to a higher state of joy as a result of this one person's decision to share their "toy" with the world.

I challenge each and everyone, at any age, to go out into the world, be a big kid, and share your toy. When you begin to realize the joy you spread simply from experiencing your bliss while playing with your "toy" or "talent", the results can be profound. Just by "playing with your toy" whether its building things, improving companies, improving relationships for others, talking to people, helping people, creating delicious food, coming up with medicine that works, painting pictures or homes, or improving our dodgy financial and real estate reality, you are ALSO effecting and improving SO many peoples lives. You do this just by being you and sharing your toy with the world. I challenge everyone own up to their original toy and then to share their toy with the world today.

Its just GOT to stop...

2009-05-11T10:36:00.000-07:00

I just can't do it anymore.

It's becoming borderline shameful.

Whoever actively promoted this concept should be shunned.

It makes no sense unless you are of a lower class living in a more rural part of the coutry and do not know better.

It does nothing for the body which houses the soul. It almost disrespects ones body. It takes away from one's natural beauty and disgruntles one's major support system.

You are suddently a smaller person when you participate in this act. You become an imbalanced person.

It's such a grey area because it's not exactly this...but yet it's not exactly that either.....It just doesn't make any sense why one would actively participate in such a dreadful crime. It has gone on for way too long and I've indulged in this as much as everyone else. I am guilty. I am guilty as charged. I have the evidence to prove it. I just cannot do it any more.......

I am refusing to wear capri's this summer. Its just wrong. Enough said.

The Secret to weight loss

2009-05-07T19:57:00.000-07:00

So I went to Vegas for a friends wedding. Gained a few lbs. Nothing to worry about as I'm super tiny as is. But its bikini season so why not get rid of em- hey? The secret to fast weight loss and a tight figure is ditch the cardio and hit the weights HARD. Don't be scared gals. Your not gonna bulk up. We don't have enough testosterone in our bodies to bulk up. You want to watch what you eat like a hawk and keep the calories in check for your bodies needs and hit the weights super hard. I did 8 exercises on Monday-3 sets each of 10 reps. Choose the heavy weights. You don't want to be able to do more than 10 reps. Make that funny face as you push through the final 2 reps. Drink your water- watch your calories. Go to http://www.muscletech.com/resources/tools/calculators/caloric.shtml to find out your calorie needs. I hit the weights hard again yesterday and didn't really watch the calories as closely as Monday. Lost the weight just from the weight work outs. Do it. Its the best thing possible you can do for your body. Your heart rate will be up when you lift hard and you will receive the cardio benefits even more if you do supersets or do 2 or 3 workouts in a circuit style.

my night out

2009-04-26T08:17:00.000-07:00

I blogged about an encounter with a guy last night. But that was just the tip of the iceberg of "last night".

First I got a bikini wax. I hadn't done that in a long time b/c I am usually a shaver. But I wanted to try something new. To all the girls> don't ever get your second bikini wax ever, and decide to go for the Brazilian, when you are wearing white shorts, and planning on drinking later. please don't do this.

All was fine up until the time I took a shot at the bar. Did not want the shot, but did it anyway to please my friend and the bartender. The shot was huge. It was like a cocktail drink. It was good too. It was a pineappleupsidedowncake shot. It was good.

THANK GOD we were sitting at the bar. My leg started bleeding after the shot. Something about alcohol and bleeding is ringing a bell of some sort but I don't know the specifics about why people bleed when they drink. My white short had blood all over the front of them. The back was fine. It was a spot on my leg that just started bleeding for no reason at all from the bikini wax.

We decided to leave at that time. I had a sweater that I tied around my waist. But instead of tying it around the back of my waist I tied it around the front and walked confidently like I was posh spice or Katie Holmes starting a new trend. I looked cute actually.

Found a cab and had an uncomfortable exchange with my friend who was trying to pay for my cab, cause I was out of cash. I had my checkbook and said I'd write her a check for whatever amount of money I was going to borrow from her. She said she wouldn't cash the check. Why?! Why are people so freaking weird about money. I didn't want to take her money and she didn't want to take mine. I started crying. Drunk tears. Told her I was going to sit there and wait for my husband to just come pick me up. Called him and he said he'd pay for my cab once I got home. That satisfied us all and so I got in the cab and left. My friend and I are fine and good. She is like me. A die hard people pleas er. We are like that character that Julia Roberts plays in that movie- Runaway Bride. Our favorite way of eating our eggs changes depending on who are are in love with at the time. Every time they eat eggs together at home she eats them however her man eats them.....scrambled, sunny side up, over easy, boiled, poached, Benedict, ect, ect. When they order eggs out the guy always orders for both of them because he thinks its neat that they both eat their eggs the same way. The funny thing is- every time she gets a new man- she changes the way she eats eggs to whatever his favorite way is. She even gets a fake tattoo for some guy to please him. He actually thinks its a real tattoo at the time........ANYWAY- my friend and I are that character. It took a 20 min exchange for us to realize and admit that we both wanted to leave the bar. My chance interaction with the random guy in my earlier post kind of turned on a light bulb in my head. I was going to be genuine. I was going to just be genuine with myself and the world as long as I was self aware at any given moment.

Get into the cab. He takes me to a bank close to home and I pay him. I walk a few blocks alone, crying, with my sweater wrapped around the front of my shorts. Meet my husband a spot that we decided he would pick me up at. I knew where I was and how to get to that spot, but for some reason I couldn't give him directions to just drive to where I was. Again I was just trying to make the situation as easy as possible for the other person.

I met a guy tonight

2009-04-25T23:26:00.000-07:00

So I was out with a friend tonight and we had dinner and drinks at a popular spot in our city. After dinner we sat a the bar- b/c my friend thought the bar tender was "handsome". She used that word and I loved it. It is genuine. It is not "hot" "gorgeous" "cute", ect., but just handsome. She had just broken up with a guy, who in my opinion, she truly loved. This isn't about her though. This is my blog and its about me.

We sat at the bar and chatted with many different people throughout the night. One guy in particular came up to me and had a conversation with me. Can't remember for the life of me what we discussed. But I am so thankful that after the chat he said " wow you are so disengenuin"........ I said "what do you mean?"...... He said, fake ect. I don't think of myself as a fake person at all. I think that I am outgoing, fun, sweet, kind, and funny. But he thought I was being disengenuine.

He was right. I was. I didn't even know it though. I thought I was being funny. But in reality I thought I was being what I thought HE THOUGHT would be funny. So the fact that I try to come up with phrases that will appear to be witty and funny to the other person is really just another way that my insecurity about what other people think of me rears its ugly head. Jokes are made to get laughs. Laughs mean that they liked the joke. If they liked the joke and they laughed then they are suddently grateful to you, because you made them laugh. Then you get to feel good about yourself because they are grateful to you for making them laugh. And lets be honest, who does not love to laugh. But ALSO, if they did laugh, then that makes you feel like you are super smart to come up with something that is sooooooo clever to say. Thus you immediatly feel better about yourself. Getting others to laugh can sometimes just be another form of trying to gain acceptance. Aren't we all trying to gain acceptance? That hit home for me and now I am exploring that.

I was impressed that he was ball-sy enough to call me out on it. I love people that are ball-sy. Used to think of myself as "ballsy". Me- thinking I was ALWAYS being genuine, alerted my attention to this fast. I asked him for more feedback. I didn't want to be this way. I want to be genuine. I told him that. And then something happened. I was genuine. I felt a calmness take over my body. I felt the excessive energy leave my voice when I spoke. I just spoke. I spoke naturally. Not loud. Not boisterous, but just quiet and relaxed.

God bless this human being. He went on his way after I told him I was out with a friend who was having a rough time. He saw that she really was having a rough time and he was satisfied with my genuine answer that he moved on. But not before telling that he thought I was beautiful and that he'd like to get to know me better. I told him that my heart belonged to someone else. It was genuine and he knew it. (I think at least).

This blog was about trying to be funny. I don't know if that is my goal anymore. I think my goal will be to be genuine. Authentic. Real.

It could have easily have been a "pick up".... line and a good one for that matter, because how many of us are really all that genuine in the flirting stages of a relationship? Really- how many????? I would guess it would be less than 2%.

Vicky Cristina Barcelona- serious post.

2009-04-24T20:20:00.000-07:00

Just watched this movie and fell in love with. it It is a crazy love story, but it spoke to me. I saw a bit of myself in each of the characters.

Love is a complicated and mysterious thing. Many people don't understand it and many also choose not to understand it. Not me. I want to understand it on every level I am lucky enough to experience in this life time. I'm not afraid of it.

My favorite character was the man Juan Antonio. At first glance he appears to be just a womanizer but once you get to know him you see that he is the most honest, kind, and loving character in the movie. What you see is what you get with him. No games. Just the truth. I love it. He lives so freely and honestly without any apologies.

Cristina's character was great too- but she only knew "what she didn't want"...and ultimately chose to let that rule her heart and mind. She let her thoughts control her feelings, rather than letting her feelings control her thoughts. But she is courageous, wild, and passionate and does what she wants without any apologies.

Mary Elena allows herself to feel pain freely and without any apologies. She feels every last ounce of her pain and she does not repress it or hide it. She feels it. I would like to be like that. I would like to know that it IS OK to feel my feelings.

Vicky is conflicted between following a life plan of conforming to what society expects from her and between following her heart. She ultimately conforms, again-without any apologies. That is the beauty of free will.

The older woman Judy has been married to a man for many many years but has fallen out of love with him. She is having an affair with a man that she loves. She won't leave her husband though. She is too scared. She sees Vicky making the same mistakes as her and she tries to stop Vicky so that Vicky won't have any regrets in life. The ironic thing is- she doesn't try to stop herself? Why did she think it was too late for her to make a change in her OWN life?

These were all choices these characters made. We each have the choice to exercise our free will and create the life that we choose. You are ultimately free from everything except the consequences of what you choose. And we should not be afraid of consequences. When God leads you to the edge of a cliff one of two things will happen: You will fall and he will catch you. Or he will teach you to fly.

What do you choose today? Not choosing is a choice as well. This movie portrays each of these conflicts that we each wrestle with each day and I love it.

"Label whore" OR closet "jokester"

2009-04-21T21:04:00.000-07:00

Gosh! Where in the world do I even begin....I guess at the beginning. So I have this AMAZING TJ Maxx near by where I live. I think it's like a "run way" TJ's....or whatever, but the point IS- They get RIDICULOUS amounts of expensive well known brand name clothes, shoes, bags, you name it! I almost always walk out with something great by BCBC Maxazria....and occasionally I get tempted into buying something that I know darn well that I DO NOT LIKE, but yet I am "lured in" by the brand name or label. And then lets not forget the price! The most satisfying part about all of this is that you are getting the labeled item for a quarter of what it would have retailed for.

So this brings us all up to speed. The accused outfit is the one in the picture. It is an ugly as sin Lilly Pulitzer dress with a matching Lilly cardigan. The outfit would have retailed for 350 dollars. I bought it for 100. Yeah I know- I'm embarassed to admit it. Really f-ing embarressed. I actually wore this god-awful-lilly-pulizter outfit to work today. I felt like such a "fake" getting dressed this afternoon (I have a great job- I know) that I decided I'd not only take a picture of it for my blog, but that I'd "confess" to this awful thing that I willingly participated in. Did I laugh at myself when I bought it? Yes. Did I laugh at myself in the mirror after I put it on today? Yes. But God was it fun to wear such a ridiculous outfit to a certain place that would be impressed with such an outfit. Knowing that I was "impressing" these people at that specific place was certainly a good feeling. I can admit I am insecure about what people think of me. But here is the true funny part. I am now completely and utterly convinced that the Lilly Pulitzer brand was created as a joke. I think some fashion designer, who had a major grievance over preppy rich people created this line as a joke on them. Its so disgustingly adorable that its ridiculous.

My conclusion- Lilly is a joke. Its a joke on the people who wear it. Its a joke on the people who buy into whatever they think that label can define about themselves. I think that may have been why I bought it. Yeah I love brand names for cheap just as much as the next person. But I love laughing........even if its at myself or at my own expense.....(no pun intended)

Sorry- Got to do it again.

2009-04-21T10:21:00.000-07:00

Since yesterdays Mallrats quote of the day CLEARLY made or break (grammer help please) some of your days, I have to indulgently do it again. But fear not- I have got something really good and original that I am cooking up today. Just need the time to write it. But its going to be good. I'm laughing out loud just thinking about it.......Cant wait for later. Until then: Please enjoy the following responsibly at your desk jobs, or home offices, or wherever your day has taken you.......

T.S. Quint: But they're engaged. Brodie: Doesn't matter, can't happen. T.S. Quint: Why not? It's bound to come up. Brodie: It's impossible, Lois could never have Superman's baby. Do you think her fallopian tubes could handle the sperm? I guarantee you he blows a load like a shotgun right through her back. What about her womb? Do you think it's strong enough to carry his child? T.S. Quint: Sure, why not? Brodie: He's an alien, for Christ sake. His Kyrptonian biological makeup is enhanced by earth's yellow sun. If Lois gets a tan the kid could kick right through her stomach. Only someone like Wonder Woman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. The only way he could bang regular chicks is with a kryptonite condom. That would kill him. T.S. Quint: How is it that I go from the verge of hot Floridian sex with Brandi to man of steel coital debates with you in the food court? Brodie: Cookie stand isn't part of the food court. T.S. Quint: Of course it is. Brodie: The food court is downstairs. The cookie stand is upstairs. It not like we're talking quantum physics here. T.S. Quint: The cookie stands counts as an eatery, eateries are part of the food court. Brodie: Bullshit. Eateries that operate within the designated square downstairs count as food court. Anything outside, of said designated sqaure, counts as an autonomous unit for mid-mall snacking. Now, if you're going to wax intellectual about the subject...

Mallrats quote of the day- b/c well it's monday and we all could use a laugh or two.

2009-04-20T07:01:00.001-07:00

One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck up his ass. True story. He bought it at our local mall, so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embarrasing for my relatives and all, but next week, he did it again. Different cat, same results, complete with another trip to the emergency room. So, I run into him a week later in the mall and he's buying another cat. And I says to him, "Jesus, Walt! What are you doing? You know you're just gonna get this cat stuck up your ass too. Why don't you knock it off?" And he said to me, "Brodie, how the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out?" My cousin was a weird guy.

It's Britney B*tch

2009-04-19T10:38:00.000-07:00

Sorry Blog- I've been away from you a bit. Had lots to write, but not enough time. Today I want to talk about Britney's new song titled "If You Seek Amy". Its either brilliant or completely whor-ish. I'm currently undecided. But nonetheless it IS pretty clever.

She starts off the song singin about this Amy chick...."Is she in the bathroom? Is she smokin upoutside? Does she take her drink with a piece of lime?"..... "If you seek Amy, we'll do what ever you like" she sings....

Compliments of my little sisters Religion teacher I was able to understand the trick- (no not referring to Britney as a "trick" quite yet), but rather the sneaky part of this song. Not sure who else knows this or not, but wanted to share it regardless: The true "written" lyrics of the chorus/refrain of the song are as follows:

"Love me, Hate me, Say What you Want About Me, But All the Boys and All the Girls, Are Beggin to IF YOU SEEK AMY."

Funnily the part "IF YOU SEEK AMY" sounds phonetically EXACTLY LIKE THE FOLLOWING:

"Love me, Hate me, Say What You Want About Me, But All the Boys and All the Girls, Are Beggin to F-U-C-K- Me".

Yes- these ARE in fact the way the lyrics sound!! And Yes- even more disturbing (or brilliant) she gets away with playing these lyrics on the radio, 20x a day at least if you listen to Hot 99.5.

How in the world did she get away with this? I had no idea she was even smart enough to come up with something like this? But then again its Britney and she is full of surprises.....

Brilliant or Whor-ish?

I love it!

Not quite as funny as my brother

2009-04-14T20:41:00.000-07:00

This entry is basically another one about my brother, who I honestly think is way more hilarious than I am. But since he does not have a blog I have to just share this. And I almost feel bad for anyone who ends up reading my nonsense.

He actually asked me the other day if I have ever been able to just crack myself up just by thinking thoughts in my head. I have only probably done that a few times, but not my brother. He finds the funny in everything, and ends up just laughing out loud to himself all of the time. I love that.

We were sitting on the beach during vacation and he said to me "my second wife isn't even born yet." He's 25.

He also noticed a man skipping- yes skipping- and snapping his fingers down the beach to his Ipod. My brother immediately brought it to my attention as he was cracking up over this guy. It was adorable and really funny to watch this man indulgently skipping and snapping down the beach. Of course I was a tiny bit envious of this man who didn't have a care in the world what the people on the beach thought of him as he was skipping and snapping his way down the beach with his Ipod.......I will have to try that on my next vacation.

We were watching TV last night and an infomercial came on and my brother started making fun of the guy and the product (shamwash or something?) . My brother started imitating Mitch Hedberg's comedy routine and did it quite well........."Order today! Its just going to be 3 easy payments- and one REALLLLLY complicated one. I'm not going to tell you which one, but one of those payments is going to be a bitch to pay! The mailman will get shot. The stamp will not lick, and you"ll end up having to pay in wompum."

I care too much about what strangers think of me....

2009-04-12T21:30:00.000-07:00

A couple of days before I leave for a family vacation in Florida, my sister asks me to pack a certain brand of organic peanut butter that I use pretty regularly. My sister and I both watch what we eat and exercise, so we wanted to continue our healthy habits while on vacation together.

My parents decided to drive to Florida (from Maryland), which is a whole other story for another day, so it is just my brother, sister and myself flying together. We are all doing carry on. I wasn't sure if my regular size jar of organic peanut butter would make it through security. It didn't. I had to either check the bag, or they would throw it out. I let them throw it out. It was only about four dollars and it really didn't bother me.

UNTIL...my brother who is an herbal connoisseur, if you will, informs me that peanut butter is a popular accomplice to a well known plan to mask an illegal substance to enable one to indulge in a specific extra curricular activity while traveling.

I was shocked. "Seriously!?!"...... "Yes." he tells me. "What do you mean? How?" He says "Once a friend of mine sent a fake care package home from Amsterdam to a fake college student at a fake college, with a fake P.O. box address, filled with peanut butter, jelly, bread, chips, cookies, and a note that said " Good luck with your finals sweetie." The specifics of what was in that peanut butter jar are known mostly by the criminals who perform such acts...and my brother.

I however am NOT a criminal, or my brother, and begin freaking out. I panic thinking OMG- what is the woman at security thinking of me right now!?! Will she go home and be like "This chic tried to smuggle pot onto a plane today and I caught her.... Well played, the old peanut butter and pot trick.....not falling for that one again. " The sad thing is, I am ACTUALLY worried about what this stranger thinks of me!

We walk to our gate and I am still beside myself worried about what the security check woman is thinking of me. I just wanted my organic peanut butter to be available to my sister and I are our vacay. We just wanted to live the healthy lifestyle while on vacation and here the woman in airport security is thinking of me as a person who does drugs. Not only does she think that I do them, but she also thinks I'm someone who sneaks them with me when I travel. I actually care that much about what people think of me sometimes. How messed up is that? Really I'm fully aware.

The fact that its exactly five days later and I am writing about this is complete evidence that I am entirely way too worried about what people think. I need help. Maybe the lady never knew this pot trick even existed. Maybe the only person that knew this pot and peanut butter trick is my brother and his drug smuggleing "friend", and yet here I am STILL all bent out of shape about all of this. I am just admitting to the problem now. Admitting there is a problem is the first step. I will look for a 12 step program for "How Not to Care What People Think of Me." Or I could consult my younger brother's "friend" who seemed to get over that issue with flying colors. Maybe it was the pot.....